Monday, April 6, 2009



I found myself seated at what I shall describe as a round table of sorts at which numerous other persons were also seated. They were dressed in white robes, had long hair and beards, and were all men, no women. I could see nothing beyond the area of this table. I was then asked questions about my intentions and what I was willing to do to achieve some special status in their view. I asked for some clarification and was told that if I had a choice to acquire money and fame or give that up and be of some real use to the world what would I do? I said I would give up everything to be of use.

Instantly I was shifted to where I was in the presence of what I have learned to refer to as, "the little gray man." He was about 3 feet tall and did not speak, but communicated with me directly, as in mental telepathy. His skin was gray, his hair was gray, and his clothes were gray and tattered looking. He looked kind of like E.T., except this was ten years before that movie was even made.

His attitude toward me was almost matter of fact and he seemed a bit irritated that he was there and dealing with me regarding my suicide. His position was clearly that there was no such thing as death, so my actions in killing myself were absurd because I couldn't die anyway. According to him I would just be in some sort of holding pattern until I was willing to confront whatever it was I killed myself over. He then asked for my response, which was, if that were the case then I was ready to go back and immediately deal with the problem I'd committed suicide over.

From there, we were transferred instantly into what I will describe as a tunnel-like place. It was well lit but there were no lights. The walls looked exactly like beige stucco and were curved into the ceiling like a tunnel. It was not a small place nor was it extremely large and ran as far as I could see in either direction. The floor was like translucent marble and light emanated up through it in a steady pleasant glow. Not bright light, just enough to see clearly by. As I surveyed the surroundings, "the little gray man" and I started moving forward and going deeper into the tunnel. We were not walking or riding on anything and the floor was not moving like a conveyor belt, we were just moving.

We started quite slowly but picked up speed as we continued to move through the tunnel. As this journey continued along, constantly picking up speed, I noticed other tunnels on either side branching off in other directions. I watched these other tunnels go by for a bit and then looked to "the little gray man" for some sort of explanation as to their existence and or importance to our voyage. What he did, knowing I was asking a question of him, was to overtly and emphatically turn his head one way and then the other indicating,"No," as his response.

We continued on and I began to see these incredibly colored glass balls that just seemed to hang in the air unsupported by anything. They were the most brilliantly colored things I have ever seen, not bright, but brilliant. An emerald green, ruby red, sapphire blue and yellow that was otherwise inexplicable. These globes were mostly the size of a basket ball and appeared periodically as we moved on.

We were now traveling at an unbelievable rate of speed through the tunnel. I felt calm and assured. There was no sense of fear or anything negative at all. I was completely comfortable and relaxed. The speed continued to increase and I could not make out anything except the "little gray man" standing beside me. I looked forward again just in time to see us penetrate into what was like a wall or veil of energy.

I sat bolt upright in the hospital bed at UCLA's intensive care unit. All kinds of beepers and buzzers went off and I had no idea where I was. I could barely see, but managed to make out the misty figure of what turned out to be my mother, whose face had a look of shock cut into it. I started crying and blurted out in garbled tones, "I'm an eagle and they want me to be sparrow; eagles can't be sparrows." I was crying because I was still alive. The pain of coming back into consciousness, on the planet I had left, was the most excruciating feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. It was like hitting a brick wall at two hundred miles an hour, I cried myself back into life, my god-awful life.

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