Saturday, April 11, 2009

(Part 16) The Tide Turned


After the sick kid incident I rebelled against anymore of Tony's I'm in charge of everything without question. I began to openly disagree with Tony's ideas regarding my future. For example. I refused to let him book me into shows unless I got a band which I never did. I flat out refused to go and told him if he booked me I wouldn't show up. I brought up the long list of odd things he had done and confronted him for the first time. I had changed since he first met me from the hungry little kid to a more seasoned performer who'd been out on the road a bit and had learned a few things.

I asserted myself and my position and Tony didn't like it. The fear of being disapproved of by Tony which had always been the case, began to crumble in the wake of my new found willingness to stand my own ground and claim my own selfhood. Tony's iron clad power over me had shifted to a we better work together or else. Or else what? Therein was the dilemma. Tony's position had always been, "I made Bobby Jameson." He believed, or at least he claimed to believe that without him I never would have gotten off the ground and in large part that's true. But then I became me and when that happened I reclaimed myself from Tony.

My new position had become, "Yeah you probably did make me Tony, but now that it's happened I am not the same willing little kid you could control with promises like before." It was a Mexican standoff and Tony knew it. Hell there was no way he could force me to do anything. It wasn't like he could refuse to pay me if I didn't go, because he wasn't paying me anyway. Everything he could have used for leverage didn't exist. You can't take away something if you never provided it in the first place. Tony had played himself into a corner with his own greed and lack of real fairness. So when it came time to use his chits he didn't have any and I damn well knew it.

(If you are reading this and have no real sense of a timeline, let me clarify briefly. Most of what I have discussed here only took about 6 months to occur. The beginning middle and eventual end to Tony and me was like a ride on a rocket ship in that it started and my life was forever changed in 9 weeks and then for 4 or 5 more months to a bizarre conclusion. Everything that occurred between us went extremely fast. No real plan at all. No time to consider anything before it was done. So in essence mistakes were common place.)

As I was saying, Tony was completely aware that the power he had had over me was now different. He could not command me like a dog any more without fear of getting bitten. He looked for new ways to gain control and one of them was a live performance in Los Angeles which I had never done other than American Bandstand and a few other local television music shows like Ninth Street West and Lloyd Thaxton. I knew that I would be performing by myself again, but Tony convinced me it was the last time I'd have to do it so I agreed.

He booked the old Ciro's night club on the Sunset Strip and put up a 35 foot black silhouette of me on the roof which said, "Bobby Jameson Here! One Day Only." I don't know how many people Ciro's (now the comedy store) holds, but it was full on the day I played there. It was invitation only and I did my job well. I played by myself for those people with my guitar and amplifier and a microphone. No band just me and I was good. That was the last time I ever went on stage alone again. It seemed to be a moment in time that just got stuck and hasn't moved since that day.

After I played I vaguely remember talking to people. I couldn't tell you who was there, but I remember leaving pretty quickly afterwards. I knew Tony would be making use of my work and make promises to people about my availability to perform somewhere. I knew he would get money in front from some of them and I knew too that he never intended for me to show up. He just made money by promising things, but the promises were only used to get the money. It was a quirk I discovered about him. He could have made so much more if he had done it right, but he seemed doomed to an addiction of always pulling something off on people. Like that was the point, when in fact that was the smallness of Tony.


He had big powerful ideas, but he always went for the chicken shit payoff. He had been offered a deal by just about every major record company there was for me, but he wouldn't take it. He wanted to be Col. Tom Parker who represented Elvis Presley. He wanted to be a big shot. The tragedy was that he damn near made it, but figured out a way to screw it up at the last minute. That was and I would guess still is Tony Alamo. It is easy for me to see this in Tony, because I have seen it in myself. Always getting so close to the dream coming true and then at the last minute doing something insane or just plain stupid to screw it up always with the tag they or he or something made me fail. This is classic alcoholic thinking I know because I am an alcoholic and I believe that Tony Alamo is too.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. This is amazingly honest. Thank you for writing it.

    You know, I was only with TA for a few years up close and personal, but I sometimes see that self destruction in myself and I thought for a long time it was just because I literally had some of his DNA in me. But I think, now, that it is mental illness and I think that illness is catching.

    I hope you have fund some well balanced people to hang with. And don't forget why you wrote this blog to start with: The journey to fame is rife with snares.

    The key to the city of happiness is to do something you love---because you love it, and not for any other reason.

    The money you save on drugs and alcohol that you no longer need to cover the pain might be enough to help you get by....Just a suggestion.

    I wish you success-- freedom.