Thursday, April 9, 2009
MONDAY, APRIL 21, 2008
(part 58) "THE CHRIST COMPLEX"
The "Christ Complex" came with the use of LSD. To have a "Christ Complex" you don't necessarily have to think you're "JESUS" which I didn't, you just have to develop a sense of being something special, which I did. The use of drugs, particularly LSD, has a tendency, in some, to do this. If you look closely at the gaze of the original photo for the "COLOR HIM IN" cover art you can see that I am very concentrated on something, that something is the "CHRIST COMPLEXITY". It seemed to develop out of a sense of frustration and loss, and because of my ability to keep picking up the pieces of myself and becoming another version of me, which if you keep count were many.
This is not an easy subject to broach, but one I feel I must, to allow the reader to peer inside the person of Bobby Jameson, who in case you missed it, was now calling himself "JAMESON". The singular name and the dropping of Bobby was a very significant feature of the new character I was becoming. My sense, rightly or wrongly, of being connected Spiritually to the Universe had become a powerful new mechanism for me to use for the publicity of "COLOR HIM IN" and it's subsequent release. I believed, because I needed to, that all my previous failures and trials were actually part of a bigger picture that I was then beginning to see and understand.
It was a way to not only make sense out of what had happened, but to actually give it specific purpose by making it necessary as opposed to accidental in the overall scheme of things . You can see, I hope, that in doing this I was able to redirect the past into a purposeful focus for the future of JAMESON and "COLOR HIM IN". I did not have to question what had happened, because I had the perfect explanation manufactured or not. In telling you the reader this, I am hoping you will begin to understand how I later became the person I became. There has to be a basis set into this story that allows one to see, not only historical events related to the music business, but the other events more personal in nature, which have to do with emotions and thought processes.
It was not just about writing songs and making records. The 60's was a supercharged spiritual quest for many. It went far beyond the everyday living that most people attend to. I am in no way saying it was right, but conversely, I am in no way saying it was wrong. History will delegate to the 60's, and it's own phenomenon at socially restructuring everything, what history itself decides over time. My job, is to relay to you my story, good and bad as best I can on these pages. I hope there will be many instances where you have a hard time with some of what I tell you, otherwise I would have failed utterly, to convey truthfully what actually transpired.
My personal focus at the time of "COLOR HIM IN" was extreme. I had convinced myself to go where I decided I was to go. In an article, from KRLA BEAT, in 1967, the title is a dead give away, "PROPHET IN LEATHER". I leave you to decide what the intention was in calling it that. On the back cover of the album there's a picture of me standing on a small rock at the beach. It didn't work out, but the purpose, was supposed to be that the tide would come up and cover the rock making it appear that I was standing on the water. The only trouble was the tide was not coming in fast enough so the picture you see is me waiting on the rock for the water.
Every time I got the chance to promote this view of JAMESON as more than just a guy who made records, I did. I was like a method actor, so sold on my character, that I was my character. Everything I did and the way I looked was geared to the character I had become. The continued use of LSD, downers and alcohol, fueled the motor that drove me on. Prior to the actual release of "COLOR HIM IN", my time was spent convincing myself of my own purpose. In some ways I was a self elected social critic in other ways I was a self obsessed ego maniac, whose intent, was to enrich himself. What ever I was or wasn't there is one thing that is clear. The making and promoting of "COLOR HIM IN" was the launching pad for the eventual disintegration into alcoholism and drug addiction of Bobby Jameson.